andariel

I love Paris.

It's a beautiful city, I've seen Summer and Autumn, and Winter will be harsh but beautiful like last time, I think. I love the people here, what you might call 'old fashioned' hospitality and chivalry, though with a healthy dose of bigoted, ignorant people too. The people are so proud of their city, so apologetic for its faults, so eager to show you the sights. This may vary from where to drink to which museums are best. There's something amazing for even the smallest budget here, especially in summer. People are so happy to share.

I'm not fluent in the language, not even close. I've perhaps wasted a lot of time in getting organised about this -- but I'll get there. I can get along and understand most people, but more complicated discussions are a little harder. I'm keen to get into studying the language more because it is a language I care for...people speak it in lilting tones, I enjoy it a lot. It's a warm language, for expressing welcome and love. It's a passionate language, for expressing disgust and exacerbation. :)

I've found a lot of culture that I love, especially compared to Australia...from the actual presence of feminism, to the less conservative views on politician's personal lives. There's a real sense of ~democracy~ here, with the local government having a presence that is real in each district.

I love the food so much, and the cultural stuff around is great.

I'm not sure whether I'd like to live here forever, but I could. It could be home. Right now it is.

I have been feeling I'm almost too cynical to watch a lot of TV these days, though that's probably more self-deprecatory at the risk of expressing a general distate for mainstream culture in general, including virtually every TV show ever. I am finding myself slowly turning into a state of mind similar to the writer of the blog Shakesville, unable to find any kind of rape joke funny.

But for now I find I straddle two worlds. One, where everything said on TV is gospel and culture and that's that, and the other being the sex positive community vouched for by podcasts such as Kink on Tap (which you really should google and check out, seriously, it's really more about civil rights and the most human issues you can think of, it's not all that 'kinky' in the sense you're probably thinking). I will personally buy you chocolate if we meet in person and you listen to at least one episode of Kink on Tap. <3

But back to the point. How I Met Your Mother has Barney, the womaniser, who amusingly befuddles dumb women into sleeping with them then dashes away as fast as he can the next day. The show has a lot of elements that are a bit iffy for me and I find myself less and less able to laugh at...talking about women being stupid, submissive women being disgraceful sluts, if women consent they must have some crazy weirdness about them and if they consent under dubious circumstances (either one of Ted's lies or omissions, or Barney's schemes) then it's not just okay, it's a tick in the win column in a game.

But I don't want to be negative, there's a lot of negativity in the world. Slut shaming isn't cool, so I'm going to make a humble attempt at taking ownership of the cultural capital and speak positively about sex, sexuality, and sexual/non-sexual beings. I hope it doesn't come out as too didactic, the 'you' is really not you personally, it's as much me and I would never dream of actually telling YOU what to do. Except be tolerant, y'all.

Dear readers,

It's okay, any gender, to want to have sex. Sex can be fun, sex can be good for you and it's something that can be a great experience between consenting adults. Women and female bodied people can actually consent to sex for a number of reasons, they do not need to be 'tricked' into doing so. And hell, they may even consent to a 'one night stand' type experience, and retain their sense of self-worth rather than it depending on exactly how their sexual partner treats them.

As long as no feelings are hurt, it's okay to have sex with people who are friends with each other. There is no finite line which suddenly makes you 'sloppy seconds,' and no one has the right to think of you that way. If people are uncomfortable with the idea that's fine, but you should not be diminished or suddenly shamed for being a 'slut' if you show sexual or romantic agency.

It's also perfectly healthy and normal and okay if you don't want to have sex, with person A, or B, or anyone at all, ever. You're not frigid, or an un-sexual person intrinsically (unless you choose to identify that way).

There is no magical number of sexual partners that makes you undesireable, any friend or potential partner who judges you on this does not deserve to be part of your life.

I know it's only TV land but frankly a lot of young people (and not so young people) first get their ideas and have them reinforced by shows like How I Met Your Mother. And I don't think we talk about these things as much as we should amongst ourselves, or with our elders, who often (as hard as it is to ask) have some amazing life advice when it comes to issues like these.

If you have a set of values that doesn't fit with those listed above I respect you and you're cool, I can tolerate you as long as you can tolerate me. But I would still love to talk to you about why you think the way you think.

I tried to keep this positive but I think it failed a little >.> Think of this as a bit of a draft for things that I've been thinking lately.

I want to polish up my thoughts and express them better ASAP.

<3 to all :).

I've heard positive things via email about getting an extension, and I'm just going to need the documents to back it up. Good things I hope, but nothing confirmed yet.

Here's a little quote from the wonderful email from my supervisor. I want to print out everything she's written to me, to way back when she recommended I commence honours, her faith in me has given me such self worth.

"Sometimes, when readers -- people who use literature to understand themselves and the world -- are forced to struggle with literature as work, they feel adrift, cut off from the pleasures and benefits of texts which are now associated with labour and frustration. My advice is to return to reading for the sheer hell of it, and return to your labour only when literature is once again your friend and confident. Sappy I know, but think about it before dismissing me as a crazy woman! If you'd like some recommendations of books to read that will stretch your skills as a reader while remaining pleasurable, let me know."

I never wanted to be the person who hated reading, but I realise I've probably not read a novel for fun in over a year. Even with TV shows, it's all about accumulation of trivia and rehashing nostalgia -- I don't know if I can enjoy a TV show in and of itself without watching someone else watch it with me. I feel disconnected, not sure what I enjoy. I never watched serial TV with a passion for completism until I got to about year 12, when Dad bought me Buffy and Firefly. I've found self-development through TV, but I still feel the need to push it against other people to see what shape it has. Literary criticism has taught me to see the strings, so all I have left is nostalgia. And nostalgia feels shameful, something I liked by myself ... I'm finding I'm forcing more and more of my closest loves onto other people just to validate them.

What kind of life do I want, what do I want to do after I wake up in the morning? What do I want to do for others, and how can I do this? Do I want to leave a legacy, if so, what kind?

I don't know where I see myself in the future, I am still messing around with my identity, I don't know what I actually enjoy any more.

I will ask my supervisor for some books to read, organise and pack up my honours notes, and leave them for awhile. Tomorrow begins the take-home-exam part of my coursework, 3 essays in 5 days. I hope that I'll come to it with vigour...it's funny, I never missed essay questions until the first meeting with my supervisor and realised I'd have to think of them for myself.

I keep thinking I want to write, that I want to be a writer. Perhaps after uni is finished I'll be a crazy person and enter NaNo late.

Apologies for the texty entry, I haven't learnt Dreamwidth's shortcuts yet.

Wishing you all love and happiness.

Current Mood: tired
Current Location: Jonno's computer

First entry goes here! Leaving this as a placeholder for when I finally do something here.

<3

Recent Entries

On Paris

On slut-shaming (triggers for sex negative language and...well, slut shaming)

Thesis extended

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