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I have been feeling I'm almost too cynical to watch a lot of TV these days, though that's probably more self-deprecatory at the risk of expressing a general distate for mainstream culture in general, including virtually every TV show ever. I am finding myself slowly turning into a state of mind similar to the writer of the blog Shakesville, unable to find any kind of rape joke funny.
But for now I find I straddle two worlds. One, where everything said on TV is gospel and culture and that's that, and the other being the sex positive community vouched for by podcasts such as Kink on Tap (which you really should google and check out, seriously, it's really more about civil rights and the most human issues you can think of, it's not all that 'kinky' in the sense you're probably thinking). I will personally buy you chocolate if we meet in person and you listen to at least one episode of Kink on Tap. <3
But back to the point. How I Met Your Mother has Barney, the womaniser, who amusingly befuddles dumb women into sleeping with them then dashes away as fast as he can the next day. The show has a lot of elements that are a bit iffy for me and I find myself less and less able to laugh at...talking about women being stupid, submissive women being disgraceful sluts, if women consent they must have some crazy weirdness about them and if they consent under dubious circumstances (either one of Ted's lies or omissions, or Barney's schemes) then it's not just okay, it's a tick in the win column in a game.
But I don't want to be negative, there's a lot of negativity in the world. Slut shaming isn't cool, so I'm going to make a humble attempt at taking ownership of the cultural capital and speak positively about sex, sexuality, and sexual/non-sexual beings. I hope it doesn't come out as too didactic, the 'you' is really not you personally, it's as much me and I would never dream of actually telling YOU what to do. Except be tolerant, y'all.
Dear readers,
It's okay, any gender, to want to have sex. Sex can be fun, sex can be good for you and it's something that can be a great experience between consenting adults. Women and female bodied people can actually consent to sex for a number of reasons, they do not need to be 'tricked' into doing so. And hell, they may even consent to a 'one night stand' type experience, and retain their sense of self-worth rather than it depending on exactly how their sexual partner treats them.
As long as no feelings are hurt, it's okay to have sex with people who are friends with each other. There is no finite line which suddenly makes you 'sloppy seconds,' and no one has the right to think of you that way. If people are uncomfortable with the idea that's fine, but you should not be diminished or suddenly shamed for being a 'slut' if you show sexual or romantic agency.
It's also perfectly healthy and normal and okay if you don't want to have sex, with person A, or B, or anyone at all, ever. You're not frigid, or an un-sexual person intrinsically (unless you choose to identify that way).
There is no magical number of sexual partners that makes you undesireable, any friend or potential partner who judges you on this does not deserve to be part of your life.
I know it's only TV land but frankly a lot of young people (and not so young people) first get their ideas and have them reinforced by shows like How I Met Your Mother. And I don't think we talk about these things as much as we should amongst ourselves, or with our elders, who often (as hard as it is to ask) have some amazing life advice when it comes to issues like these.
If you have a set of values that doesn't fit with those listed above I respect you and you're cool, I can tolerate you as long as you can tolerate me. But I would still love to talk to you about why you think the way you think.
I tried to keep this positive but I think it failed a little >.> Think of this as a bit of a draft for things that I've been thinking lately.
I want to polish up my thoughts and express them better ASAP.
<3 to all :).
But for now I find I straddle two worlds. One, where everything said on TV is gospel and culture and that's that, and the other being the sex positive community vouched for by podcasts such as Kink on Tap (which you really should google and check out, seriously, it's really more about civil rights and the most human issues you can think of, it's not all that 'kinky' in the sense you're probably thinking). I will personally buy you chocolate if we meet in person and you listen to at least one episode of Kink on Tap. <3
But back to the point. How I Met Your Mother has Barney, the womaniser, who amusingly befuddles dumb women into sleeping with them then dashes away as fast as he can the next day. The show has a lot of elements that are a bit iffy for me and I find myself less and less able to laugh at...talking about women being stupid, submissive women being disgraceful sluts, if women consent they must have some crazy weirdness about them and if they consent under dubious circumstances (either one of Ted's lies or omissions, or Barney's schemes) then it's not just okay, it's a tick in the win column in a game.
But I don't want to be negative, there's a lot of negativity in the world. Slut shaming isn't cool, so I'm going to make a humble attempt at taking ownership of the cultural capital and speak positively about sex, sexuality, and sexual/non-sexual beings. I hope it doesn't come out as too didactic, the 'you' is really not you personally, it's as much me and I would never dream of actually telling YOU what to do. Except be tolerant, y'all.
Dear readers,
It's okay, any gender, to want to have sex. Sex can be fun, sex can be good for you and it's something that can be a great experience between consenting adults. Women and female bodied people can actually consent to sex for a number of reasons, they do not need to be 'tricked' into doing so. And hell, they may even consent to a 'one night stand' type experience, and retain their sense of self-worth rather than it depending on exactly how their sexual partner treats them.
As long as no feelings are hurt, it's okay to have sex with people who are friends with each other. There is no finite line which suddenly makes you 'sloppy seconds,' and no one has the right to think of you that way. If people are uncomfortable with the idea that's fine, but you should not be diminished or suddenly shamed for being a 'slut' if you show sexual or romantic agency.
It's also perfectly healthy and normal and okay if you don't want to have sex, with person A, or B, or anyone at all, ever. You're not frigid, or an un-sexual person intrinsically (unless you choose to identify that way).
There is no magical number of sexual partners that makes you undesireable, any friend or potential partner who judges you on this does not deserve to be part of your life.
I know it's only TV land but frankly a lot of young people (and not so young people) first get their ideas and have them reinforced by shows like How I Met Your Mother. And I don't think we talk about these things as much as we should amongst ourselves, or with our elders, who often (as hard as it is to ask) have some amazing life advice when it comes to issues like these.
If you have a set of values that doesn't fit with those listed above I respect you and you're cool, I can tolerate you as long as you can tolerate me. But I would still love to talk to you about why you think the way you think.
I tried to keep this positive but I think it failed a little >.> Think of this as a bit of a draft for things that I've been thinking lately.
I want to polish up my thoughts and express them better ASAP.
<3 to all :).
